Eye of the Tiger

My rant for this week about the media: the tiger who killed a person and wounded two others at the San Francisco zoo. To the families- well yes, I'm sorry that a tiger killed your loved one. And I'm sorry that a tiger wounded you guys. Lest we not forget that all in all, the tiger is still a wild animal.

The front pages of the newspaper today are really annoying. The media is now portraying this tiger as...as what? As the wild animal that it is? Making it out to be some killer, stalking it's 'prey', like the tiger has been laying in wait for that perfect person to show up so it can attack. This is absurd. It's a wild animal. Something went wrong. It snapped. End of story. But no, I guess we need to make up a whole story behind it. Whether or not it was taunted. Whether or not it has a human like brain that is sooo complicated, like that of a serial killer, who has been plotting this out for months. Are we kidding here? It's really a tad nauseating.

It makes me sad that the tiger was killed. I understand why of course that had to happen. But I'm always on the side of the animal, I can't help it. We think that because an animal has been kept in captivity that it should somehow forget it's natural instincts. That suddenly it should just behave like a good little boy or girl. This is where the debate comes in of nurture vs. nature.

Case in point, I went to Aruba several years ago with my then boyfriend. In the center of this outdoor mall was this huge glass enclosement where they kept a tiger. I believe her name was Tess or Tessa. You could watch Tess for hours through the glass and even better, you could actually pay to go into this enclosure and take a picture with Tess. Of course while taking the picture, Tess was shackled with big chains on every limb, but who notices really? You're taking a picture with a tiger right? The whole scene made me really sad. This tiger was totally alone, had no other tigers that I could tell to interact with. She was enclosed in this pit right across from the hotel I was staying at, so we went there quite a few times.

I remember being sad about it and talking to my ex about it. He brought up a good point. He said that while it was sort of terrible, the other option was that Tess could have been out in the wild and killed already. So in order to live and keep a species alive, this is what we do. It's a catch 22. No one wins really. You could say the animal wins because they get to live but is that really how they should be living? Repressing and surpressing all their natural instincts?

We expect that a caged animal should eventually forget what it is and somehow become 'human'. Think again. This shit happens. It's no one's fault but mother nature. If a tiger out in the wild, let's say in Africa, attacked and killed someone, that would be ok because it wasn't in a zoo right? It wouldn't get nearly this much media attention. It would be a sad story but not the law and order episode it has turned into. It really is just making me sick. It is a tragedy on many levels. The people who were hurt and the tiger that was now killed. Doesn't that now defeat the purpose of propagating the species in captivity?

What we need to remember is this: it's pleasant and quaint and cute to go to a zoo and see animals up close and personal. However, we still need to keep in mind that they are, in fact, animals.

Another case in point: I went to the Bronx Zoo two years ago in the fall. Beautiful fall day, could not get more perfect. I hadn't been to the Bronx zoo since childhood. I was fascinated by every animal I encountered. And the tiger habitat there is NO JOKE. It's beautiful and scary all at once.

I came across the lions, out there in the distance of their little pen. They looked beautiful and majestic out there. All of a sudden, the male started roaring. That was the first time I had ever heard a real, actual lion roaring in front of me. It was again, beautiful yet terrifying. It reminded me that hey, I was on his turf and I best watch my step.

There is no invisible line separating any given animal from us at any zoo. No force field. The line is how they are raised (nurture) versus how much of their nature they have surprssed. At any given time, that natural instinct can take hold and all hell can break loose. And that's what I believe happened here. It's as much a privilege for us to be able to go to a zoo as it is for the animals to be there.

And that's my piece. Amen.

It's the Holiday Season!

Ahh December, December. What a month. Busy busy. I'm EXHAUSTED. It's almost over, one more week.

Looking back on my calendar, I've done a lot this month. We finished up the football season, lost in the playoffs which absolutely SUCKED. We were undefeated up until that point. And we played our hearts out in the freezing cold and snow, only to be robbed. Followed that up with an end of season football party which was off the hook. Dancing, drinking, sweating, etc.

Then came Santacon which was amazing. Picture hundreds of santas, elves, reindeer, etc running around Manhattan, drinking and having fun.

In between all that I got my culture of the year in. Saw Jeff's play Urge which was really something. And then I got to see some ballet performances at Julliard, a la the Baja's.

I've gone to four holiday parties. Done some secret snowflake, white elephant gift swapping. Contracted a rash/allergic reaction from something, went on 2 dates with a lame guy who was going through an 'existenstial crisis', realized that I am only attracted to boys who have girlfriends (and the worst kind: live ins at that!) and I ended it all last night with a cry fest at I Am Legend. All I can say about that is that I'm not a big crier, however when you throw a dog into the mix, all bets are off. And anyone who has seen it can vouch. I was in hysteric sobs, body convulsing, at a certain part of the movie. It left me emotionally exhausted.

Now it's Friday. I still have tons of shopping to do this weekend. The holiday spirit has been sucked from me. I need to sleep, shop, and sleep some more. Maybe try to see Juno at some point.

I've discovered new music along the way. I went to the Knitting Factory (first time!) and saw AM and Bob Schneider playing acoustic sets. It was pretty awesome. I had never heard either one of them before and now I'm hooked. I even talked to AM when he came off stage. I was standing at the little stage door and he came out and I told him his set was awesome and he did a great job! What I really wanted was to comment on his sweater vest but I couldn't find the words.

Napster has been advertising Blake Lewis' (of American Idol fame) new album. I finally decided to give it a listen and really, it's not half bad. I've listened to it about 3 times in the past two days. It's got a nice vibe going on.

So peace out, happy holidays to you and yours and safe travels.

Is it just me?

Or is it totally crazy that there is a new Peterson case in the news where the husband offed his wife? This time Stacey and not Laci. What is up with that?

There was something else I wanted to write about but now I forgot...

In the meantime am I allowed to vent for 2 seconds about what happened to me on Friday at Sweet Melissa's in cobble hill? And by this I mean that I went in for a cup of coffee. The man at the counter just gives you the cup filled with black coffee and you then have to fix it up yourself. The coffee was $1.90 and I handed him $2 and he kept the 10 cents for himself, with a huge smile and a "thank you!". Ummm what??????? Some nerve up in Cobble Hill. I mean he didn't even deserve a tip. What did he do besides pour coffee into a cup? I wasn't going to fight with him over it, but I thought it was a bit presumptuous. Why would I let him keep the change? Was he insane?

I've been doing lots the past few weeks. Went to Boston to see Molly, finally saw The Hall Monitors (thanks to Rachel), and just been doing my thing, keeping busy, showing face, getting out there. Isn't that how you're supposed to meet people? .

When I remember what I wanted to write about, I'll post again.

Peace out!

Turn the other cheek

Sometimes it's hard to determine what is the appropriate situation in which to turn the other cheek. Like when you know someone is lying to you about their age and relationship status, and then they proposition you for a 'date' and fully knowing all of this, you think you still want to go. Because maybe the person is that cute and hey, it's free ass. And by that, I mean free emotionally and physically. Isn't that the best kind? The NSA kind. The kind we all need sometimes.

But what if I was the girlfriend? This is why having a conscience sometimes sucks. I would like to turn the other cheek and forget it and go out with him anyway and see what happens. Then does that make me a ho? Oh that is just disgusting. I can't stand it.

Such crises. Begs me to ask why I even try to be in the game. And why I continue to attract men with ridiculous flaws: such as having a girlfriend.

WHAT THE HELL PEOPLE?????????

If you're a self-proclaimed 'player' then fine. But why be in a relationship? Isn't that a contradiction?

Life: so funny, really. I will continue to maintain that stance.

Hell of a week

In the past week:

I saw 30 days of Night. Give it a medium. Not terrific, not horrible, just eh.

I had a birthday-29 years I've been walking around clueless. Great.

I had a birthday party. Lots of fun.

I had two birthday dinners. 2 birthday cakes.

I attended a wake, only to be called on my way home with news of another death. So within a week I will have attended 2 wakes. And this makes me realize I have some unconventional attitudes toward death.

I discovered the music of 'Handsome Boy Modeling School'. Good stuff.

I caught up on Tell Me You Love Me. I was missing that.

I made the decision that I'm too old to chase anything.

I'm obsessed with the bookclub book about the Fundamentalist Mormons.

It seems my calendar is getting more and more full. And I really like simplicity.

I became a sponsor to someone in need. It's funny that I can be of help to anyone but oh well.

Under the Banner of Horror...

Something more scary than Halloween: Fundamentalist Mormons.

I hope everyone has a great Halloween.

A literal cliche/proverb/metaphor

You know how sometimes you have those moments in life that are just so funny, poetic, deep, etc? And you don't want to forget them. Or they keep resurfacing? I had one such one this summer.

I've made mistakes. Lots of them. Had some unproud moments as of late. All kinds of things I wish I can go back and redo.

Picture it: Manhattan and New Jersey, July 2007.

I attended a work party, got a little tipsy, got dared to ask a cute 22 year old to 'make out'. So I did. Let me mention that I was his superior and I kind of had a crush on him all summer. But he was a smooth, fast talker. A real ladies man if you will. He was the type that was totally out of my league and if I was 18 I would have loved him and stalked him from afar with no satisfaction.

But being older and oh so much wiser, I took the dare without much prodding. I didn't need much. I walked right over to him and said "Hey, do you want to make out?"

And he looked at me, did not even flinch or hesitate and said "Yeah, meet me in the bathroom".

Well I was so taken back that I couldn't even fathom it. I apologized profusely, told him I was dared and to forget it. But I think we both knew that we really wanted it anyway. So after some banter we made our way downstairs. I then got paranoid about other staff people seeing us so he gracefully ushered us into a nearby parking lot. We started making out and it took me about 5 seconds to come to my senses. I pushed him off, said I couldn't do this. What kind of an idiot does that?????? ME!

So anyway I left feeling really giddy like a 22 year old myself. Going to work that Monday was weird because I felt like everyone would be talking and know about it. But oddly enough, he was extremely discreet about it. Things were weird, we didn't really talk, didn't maintain eye contact. But he kept sort of stalking me in my office, looking for reasons to show up and linger, except that other people were always around.

By the fourth day, his lingering was getting creepy. I was alone in the office. I knew he would come a creeping and we had to talk about this incident. I was right on the money. He showed up and we somehow got into the conversation about what happened. Which was really nothing. I apologized, told him I should have known better as his superior, launched into this whole adult like speech, which was so unlike me. He was taken aback. He said that we could either forget it, or pursue it. I told him I felt that I was inappropriate and too old. He told me not to worry about the whole age thing, that he 'had older'. I almost died on the floor. People started filtering into the office at this point. The whole conversation was just weird. It wasn't really resolving anything or going anywhere. He walked away for a second. Came back with a ball in his hand, placed it on the empty chair next to me and said "In your court". I love it! Even recounting it, I love it. What a moment!!! So dramatic and then he walked out.

Anyway the rest of the 4 weeks we had there together were spent sort of flirting, lots of innuendo but no action. I was waiting for him to really pursue something, lay it on the line but it never happened. Towards the end of the summer, he lost the lease on his apartment and wanted to stay over in my dorm room for 1 night. By that point I was so gittery, I couldn't even imagine what that would be like. So I let it go. All of it. The innuendo, the flirtation. In fact another shining moment was him saying to me "You keep playing hard to get. But you have to realize that in the end, I get it". Well that may be true, but he didn't even really try.

I think about him now. Sometimes we say what's up on facebook. I really regret not pushing that to go somewhere. I was scared. I thought he was too cool. Once, I told him that I'd seen his work, that I knew he was a ladies man. He told me the only one he was 'working' was me. I don't know why I was such a mess. But I sit here now completely kicking myself for not taking that 'ball' that was in my court and doing more. I guess maybe I felt like I had made the first move so it was up to him to finish it. Oh well.

I sit, I ponder, I dream about what could have been. It could have been good times. I see his profile on facebook and he looks so damn cute and is so my type with his little sweaters and hipster look. It really kills me. It was just one of those moments in life. A snapshot. I wish I could go back and change what happened from that ball in my court to the end. It could have been good if I let him spend the night and didn't get all crazy about it and say no.

Movies..and other stuff

In the spirit of staying home and resting, I watched some fabulous movies this weekend. Friday I watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, again. What a great fucking movie! I can't even handle it. It's so sad. It made me think that some elements of my own life have been 'erased', only without the help of some hysterical medical procedure. It's so funny how things go bad and you say you wish you could forget you ever knew someone and this movie shows what would really happen if you could. And how maybe you wouldn't really want to. I don't know, something about it just continues to get deeper and deeper to me.

Then I watched Brokeback Mountain, again. Another great movie. I can't even stand how tortured Heath Ledger is. Simply fantastic.

Followed by my all-time favorite, Fatal Attraction. I don't even think I need to say more. I really outdid myself on the movies thisweekend.

Lest me not forget that last weekend I finally watched Blood Diamond. Another quality movie to which I can honestly say I never want a diamond for the rest of my life. I don't even like jewelry to begin with. But if I ever were to get engaged, I would settle for a cubic zirconia or moisanite. I wouldn't even know the difference, trust me. Diamonds-they are just not worth it. I don't want that on my hands. Let me also add that Leonardo DiCaprio is aging quite well. He's finally a man, and I like it!

I leave with this. Imagine me saying this in the key of Sophia on the Golden Girls "Picture it: Brooklyn 2007"...you get a save the date to perhaps the dumbest wedding of the year. The save the date is none other than a replica of Bob Dylan's Freewheelin Album, except that Bob Dylan and his lady pal have been photoshopped out and replaced with the faces of the soon to be bride and groom. And then all the tracks on this false "CD" have been replaced to somehow incorporate the bride and groom. If you don't know what album I'm talking about, look it up and you will realize you know it. It's the one of a young Bob Dylan and a lady walking down some New York street arm and arm. Can we all smile and say "Cheese-ey". Now I ask, is this invitation about the couple or their sick obsession with Bob Dylan? Really says a lot.

Music Sh*t

I forgot how much I missed 90's music...until I started watching Journeyman on NBC. When Dan travels through time, they always play the appropriate music. I love it!

Is it wrong that I like Britney Spears' new song?

The song "Young Folks" by Peter Bjorn and John has been playing in every single television show known to man right now. I have heard it in about 17 different programs over the last two weeks. If you don't know what it is, search it and take a listen. I guarantee within seconds you will know the tune. It's not that I like or dislike it. It's just EVERYWHERE

Another great tune right now is KT Tunstall's "Hold On".

Or how about James Blunt's "1973"?

That's all I got.

Peace.

Over and Under It

I'm just wondering...is it possible to be over it and under it all at the same time?

Sometimes knowing too much just sucks. And you know when you think you have things all figured out? And how it's taken you so long to get there and then suddenly something knocks you right the fuck back to where you started? Ugh!!!!!!!! Life. What a joke.

That's just my insides rambling outside. Otherwise, I'm really fine. But I wonder what is my problem in my readiness to just cut things off and detach myself at a seconds notice. It only takes one wrong move on your part: a look, a word, shoes you're wearing, a bad haircut. And I'm done. Poof, like you never existed in my life. I don't know what makes me think I can just do that. It's awful.

I had a good dream last night, though I can't remember it. I hate that too. It was better than the dream the night before about going to the dentist. I have lots of dreams about going to the dentist and my teeth falling out. I know there is some weird psychological symbolism behind that. I sometimes like to attribute it to the fact that I was a dental assistant for 7 years. Who knows?

Other than all that, I really got nothing. Things are boring. I think I'm supposed to be planning a date tonight but I don't really feel like it. I mean when you're just having a physical relationship with someone are 'dates' really necessary?? Where is all this coming from? Craziness.

I'm finally getting a haircut this weekend. I couldn't be more excited, seeing as my hair now weights about 17 pounds and looks like absolute shit. I noticed today a completely gray patch way in the back where I couldn't see. I wonder if someone will love me with my gray patch and all. If not, fuck 'em! Know what? I'm so accepting in some respects. I'll take a man who has a gut, maybe no hair. Not shaved? Perfect, I love a scruffy man. I have very little requirements on the physical end. And then somehow I feel like I need to be perfect. Not have gray hair. Always be perfectly shaved everywhere, smelling good and hiding my gut, being ashamed of it. What the hell is that about? I'm not a barbie doll. Never will be. That is what living in a place like New York does. Beautiful people everywhere and you always feel inferior. And what's worse is that these fat, ugly, bald dudes somehow land these barbizons and then they get on their high horse that they always need to be with women like that. How frustrating for the rest of us.

Leading me to my rant on men and finding perfection. They are so ridiculous that they walk around with this rating system in their head, already programmed into their DNA. And they are in constant search of the perfect 10. Listen in closely retards: IT DOESN'T EXIST. A man will waste his whole life looking for that perfect woman only to die alone realizing she never existed in the first place. It's sad. It's also hilarious. I'm not saying all men do this, but most.

So I went way off topic here, sort of. But it's this sort of stuff that I'm over and under all at the same time. Over it because I can't even deal with it, it's that ridiculous. And under it because in order to play the game you have to become part of the ridiculousness.

Greetings and Salutations

I'mmmm baaack! That's right beyotch's!

It's been a whirwind few months and I am back, quite possibly better than ever. There's too much to even blog about so maybe I write the shortened version? Let's see how that works.

I had an AMAZING summer in New Jersey. Being out there, in the burbs, I finally felt at home and I finally felt some peace. It did wonders for my soul (that's right my actual soul) to just be away and not have to be connected to any of the old B.S. I feel like a completely different person.

Working at camp was a great experience. It definitely had it's moments, both good and bad, and I made it through. I met some great people, managed to have fun, got to have the college experience via Drew University and Townhouse number 12. I got to live in a dorm! Woot! I even enjoyed some good summer romances and came to the realization that it's so good for me to only date people under 25. How refreshing. Maybe that's because some part of me still feels like I'm 21. Nothing wrong with that, right? It's totally acceptable to sneak around, leave my lover's aunt's house at 5 in the morning to get to camp on time, and maybe get a $180 ticket at 1:45 a.m. on a Monday night because I was too love stoned to realize that a flashing red light means you actually have to stop. Things definitely heated up about half way through the summer and life got exciting again.

There was my core 4, the group I always hung out with at camp. We had some good staples like Pizza Tuesdays at Main Street Subs and Secret Burrito Fridays at Tito's in Summit. And so what if I say things like "JK". It's all good. Please bare with me.

Once camp was done, I packed up my dormroom like a college student, went back home and immediately left to go on a cruise with my mom for one week. That was good times. I got to just lay in the sun, listen to music, read. Do all the things I didn't get to do for the previous 9 weeks. Plus I got to spend some quality time with my mom. We had some good laughs.

I guess now I'm just trying to adjust to my real life again. I'm trying to keep my Jersey romance and friendships going but it's hard. The distance is difficult and the money aspect of it. It costs $30 in tolls every time I want to see them and vice versa. We've been seeing each other every weekend now but some how I think that's going to fade. There's always next summer I guess.

I'm going to try to do more concerts. I am missing live music big time. Last week I saw Paolo Nutini. If you don't know him, check him out.

There has been some difficult stuff this summer too. My friend's brother passed away in the Deutsche Bank fire on August 18th. That was definitely a low point. It was probably the saddest wake I have ever been to. And knowing your friend is in so much pain and not knowing how to help or what to say is just really hard.

I found out that the axis of evil is getting married. And really I am not that upset. I am in such a good place that I can't even get emotional about it. I almost feel like something is wrong with me and I should be more upset. But I'm really over it and I hope everyone is happy. It's of course hard news to have to hear but emotionally I am solid.

I also had to sever another friendship which sucks. Someone I really cared for and dated but we are just in different places in life so it's the best thing I guess. It just stinks to have to lose a good friend and someone that you are connected with. It's hard to separate the feelings of friendship and romantic feelings and I get that. It's hard to be one or the other once you've already had that relationship. I'm sad about it but again, not too broken up because the growth I've had has just put me in a place where I'm emotionally mature. Maybe too much so. Sometimes I feel like I'm getting more like a man. Don't know if that's good or bad.

I guess that's really all for now minus lots of details. I think I'm gonna be ok though.

That Time of Year

It's that time of year...



Where work is crazy and I live, sleep, breathe OASIS.



Where I have insomnia and wake up at 5:30 a.m. EVERY DAY



Where the days are long, nights short. Everything is beautiful and green yet I have no time to see it or appreciate it.

Things are happening quick. I'm going out to Jersey in 17 days to tackle being Operations Director. Scary and exciting all at the same time.

I'm staying in Park Slope right now, dogsitting for two cocker spaniels. What I've learned about park slope is that you must have at least one child and one dog to live here. It's a great and beautiful neighborhood. But I'm clearly not eligible.

I've been reading some Zen literature lately in an effort to better myself mentally. It's working. A lot of it has to do with embracing the moment and not focusing on the past or the future. It's also about accepting things the way they are and appreciating things the way they are. And it focuses on re-training your brain to think in a certain way. I feel good about it and about life. And while I'm super stressed and ready to break, I can find my happy place.

Things are changing on a lot of levels and I think it's going to be a good thing. I guess that's really all I can say. The dating scene is null and void right now. I tried things out with Vinny but it was clearly a mistake. He seems to be a bit too sensitive, high maintenance, and downright crazy. He felt I wasn't committed enough and told me he didn't need any more "friends" at the moment. How's that for jumping from zero to psycho in 21 days without even letting us give it a fair shot? Granted, things are hard for me to commit to right now as I'm leaving and busy at work beyond belief. But I could have found a way to make it work if he didn't go completely ape shit on me and tell me that his feelings count, mine don't, and that's that. WHEW. Glad I escaped that one in tact.

But I'm not stressing. It was actually laughable and I had a hard time not cracking up in his face. Apparently this was very serious to him and I didn't want to demean that by laughing. So I let him go off on me for a good 20 minutes and then we hung up. It was great. And I'm great.

That's all for now. Gotta finish my dinner.

There's no place like MySpace

So my life is still pretty boring. I'm listening to a lot of music lately. John Auer is one of my new favs. He used to be in The Posies and Big Star. I saw him perform at Union Hall last weekend and it was decent. He did this great version of the Posie's song 'Flavor of the Month' and of Big Star's 'Thirteen'. And props to Rachel for making me get into Pete Yorn, another good one. So yeah, life lately has been about discovering some good tunes.

For my random exciting story of the week, I offer the following:

I had been searching myspace and friendster for quite some time here and there for an old friend of mine. And I don't mean searching everyday but you know, now and again when the name would pop up. The suspect was this guy Vinny that back when I was 16 and he was 21 we used to talk, hang out, what have you. We developed some sort of relationship. Not quite boyfriend and girlfriend. But slightly more than friends, at least from his perspective I think.

Anyway I was quite conflicted back then. I knew he was a good guy but I had this insane crush on someone else that I could not let go of, and therefore, it wouldn't allow me to see Vinny in any other light than just a friend. It was a sad, complicated story that I'm sure ended with me dramatically telling him that I could no longer be his friend. What is my problem?? The details are all very vague but I'm sure if I go back into the archives (aka my diary) I will see how it all wound down.

But in any event, from time to time, year to year, I would sometimes think of Vinny, wonder whatever happened to him and why I was such an idiot. I tried searching for him a few times on myspace and friendster but with no luck. I had a period of time where I was sure I would see him on the train, he wouldn't remember me and we'd have some funny reunion. We had a great chemistry way back when. I just remember us being very funny and bouncing off eachother's sarcasm.

Last Friday I was randomly on myspace and decided that I would again put his name in just to see what happened. And poof! Like magic, his profile popped up. I couldn't believe it. I immediately sent him a message saying that I wasn't sure if he remembered me but I was glad to find him and I wanted to check in and see how his life was going.

Messages flew back and forth and we finally wound up having a great phone conversation on Sunday. It's so weird and random to talk to someone after 12 years but yet pick up like we never left. Apparently he was trying to find me also on myspace but was spelling my last name wrong. I was equally shocked that I found him and he was also trying to find me!! I thought he would have forgotten, but no.

Turns out he was in the Navy, is a pretty good photographer (you can check out his pics at www.gulizio.com) and is living right around the corner from where he was way back when. The funniest part of our conversation was that he said to me "So you never got married" and I said "no" and he said "I have a confession. I didn't think you would get married. You didn't seem like the marrying kind". I'm glad he was able to extract this when I was 16!!! I was of course taken back but he added "Well you were very complicated back then". Ugh, complicated. I would settle for dramatic, but complicated? And also who ISN'T complicated at 16? I guess he just summed up my whole life and he's not really that far off.

He told me I was exactly the same and he was too. I mean, sounded the same and all, like we never missed a beat.

Where does this all lead? Well we're getting together this weekend. We'll see what happens. I'm just so curious to see him and find out what's been going on. I mean we got the shortened version of eachother's lives but I'm just still kind of in shock at the craziness of it all. I'm dying to see more of his pictures, he's been to so many places when he was in the Navy. Hopefully I won't be as 'complicated' as I was and I can conduct myself like a normal person. YEAH RIGHT!!!!

What I learned from this is that Myspace is really amazing. And maybe that I'm not so forgettable. I'll keep everyone posted.

Back to the Boring Board

My life is boring again. Nothing exciting to blog about. No grand stories. Oh well. It's alright for awhile I guess. Sometimes it's ok to flatline for a bit.

Apparently the whale that died in the Gowanus is big news. Poor thing. Somehow this story snuck into the Virginia Tech frenzy. Someone must have slipped up big time. It's awful that the whale had to spend it's last days in Brooklyn of all places. I don't mean this in a bad way but of all places to go. The cess pool that is the Gowanus. Eww. I have a horrible irrational fear of whales. I mean I'm really terrified of them. Whale watching is an activity I would never participate in. Ever. They scare the crap out of me. I guess that's why I didn't pay much attention to it. But all in all, I'm an animal lover so I do feel some sympathy for it.

Something else I forgot to touch on as of late was Kurt Vonnegut's death. I don't know why a bigger deal wasn't made of this. Or am I just living in a bubble? I didn't think I was, I thought I was getting myself back on track and up to date with the news. But what I'm assuming is that the whole Imus frenzy pushed old Kurt to the back burner. Either that or Sanjaya's hair took center stage to the death of an icon. Well I wanted to mention it and pour one out for my homey Kurt. Thanks for making me laugh on various occasions. The cartoon drawings in Breakfast of Champions of beavers and girls underpants is really priceless. For those of you who don't know what that's about, what the hell are you waiting for? Go buy that book TODAY. Time is a wasting.

The weather in New York has finally gotten springy. We went from a monsoon and chilly temps to now sunny skies and 70's. Hooray!!! I'm excited for that, and for being able to wear my sunglasses. It was starting to get Seattle depressing. So I hope I have a good weekend. I'm planning on staying with Heather tomorrow night and catching up with her and Elsa. I'm attaching myself to them like an orphan. Until next time...

This Crazy World

It's official. The world has gone mad. So much insanity in the news lately.

Let's start with this whole Virginia Tech incident. Let me dive right in. A tragedy on so many fronts. I watched Dateline last night, and they paid homage to a few victims. It's tragic. People wake up on a normal morning and go to class like any other day and have to be subjected to some lunatic opening fire. My prayers go out to them and their families. A continuing theme in that people are just stupid. I've been angry and depressed at plenty of moments in my life. It never occurred to me that I should start spraying randoms with bullets. I thought mentally I was a bit off kilter, but not clearly as bad as SOME people.

What gets me about these types is that aren't there ever any signs? I don't know the answer because I don't think I've associated with anyone quite so disturbed. But I would think somehow, somewhere, there would be some signs leading up to this sort of thing. Not that I'm saying it could be prevented. I don't really know what I'm saying. But I know that I feel bad.

On the flip side of that, you get the media frenzy. This is a phenomenon which I cannot stand. Now you are flooded on TV with every single miniscule detail they can find. The situation gets picked apart, put together, and dissected all over again. How many times do we have to go over it? It's torturous. I can't even imagine what that feels like to the families of victims. This will go on for days, or weeks, until we've pieced together every single thing, including when the last time the killer masturbated. It's absurd. It's painful. The media has to stop.

You hear the overly dramatic cries of parents, of school kids all ages, saying "Oh we're never sending our kids to school ever again." And high school seniors saying "I was slated to go to Virginia Tech in the fall. Not anymore. My mom doesn't want me going away to school, period." Let's just put everyone in a bubble. I can't even deal. And all this nonsense is perpetrated by the media who has to constantly have a reaction. I mean for how many days did we watch the Twin Towers burning? I'm not saying people don't want to see. But do we have to see everything? It sort of desensitizes us to any emotion we might have. It's not enough anymore to just get the story. We have to get pieces of it, commentary, public outrage, editorials, all until we've been on such an overload that we can't even care anymore. We should be ashamed.

This brings me to the Imus issue. Which I don't even want to get into some kind of debate about. Let's just blame Imus and use him as our pariah for all that is wrong with race relations in America. I'm not saying if he was right or wrong. But for days on end, once again, we didn't hear the end of it. I don't understand why in this country we walk on eggshells and pretend that racial stereotypes still don't exist. We act like stereotyping is non-existent so that then when someone makes a comment like that we're shocked and appalled and completely dumfounded. Come on people! Let's not pretend what's going on here.

Let's not pretend that the civil rights movement ended with Malcom X and MLK Jr. Yeah, they made it all ok. No more racial profiling, stereotyping, discrimination, etc. It's just like the feminist movement didn't make it all ok for women. We know that sort of discrimination still exists. Who are we trying to fool? And do you think that Al Sharpton in the privacy of his own home doesn't go off on white america? This is just getting absurd. I'd like to go walking around in East New York without my Oasis t-shirt and see how that flies. I'm sure no one would say a word to me.

I'm not supporting one side or the other. I'm just saying that I can't pretend to be that shocked and outraged about it. This is par for the course. I hear worse shit on my corner or on the subway. I realize it's a public forum and how it's different. But as a nation, we have to stop fooling ourselves about what goes on between the races. We like to put up this front and say "Look at us, we're Americans, so progressive, so liberal. Racism? Not here! Discrimination? What's that?" Bullshit. Show me a place where that's true. Everyone in harmony. And if it's not people of color, it's sexual orientation. And we all know where our fearless leader stands on that issue.

Point being I don't need to hear about it anymore!! We are a fucked up nation. People are crazy. They do crazy shit. They say things they shouldn't. These aren't new issues. I'm not saying it's not important but there are more important things. We walk around everyday and live our lives, watch our tv with it's million news reports, listen to our racist radio and we are in the middle of a war people!! A WAR!!! Let's wake up. We have to stop letting the media frenzy control our thoughts and emotions. They will go on about a snowstorm for a week! Do we realize how ridiculous this is getting? At some point we have to shut it off and try to be productive human beings who can have a thought of their own. It's exhausting.

Amen.

Sad Stories

I was just perusing online, something I haven't had much time for lately, and I came across a sad story. There is nothing particular about it other than that is another example of the tragedies that seem to plague us everyday. And a testament to really what a shitty, soulless world we live in.

It's a local story involving Monica Henk, a 26 year old killed in a hit and run motorcylce accident this past Saturday morning on Kent and Flushing in Brooklyn. A reward has been put out to help find the person who ultimately killed her. What I can't seem to wrap my brain around (as in many of these cases) is how a person can be involved in a hit and run. What a shitty thing to do. To totally unhinge a life and just walk away. I hope they wind up finding the person who did this because it is another case of yet again how a young life is taken far too soon. My thoughts and prayers go out to her and her family. It's really a sad situation. You can find out more about her on her ex-husband's website, www.danhenk.com Apparently they were still very close.

This brings me to another sad local story which also happened early Saturday morning. It put Bay Ridge on the map again. It's the story you may have all heard about the woman who gave birth to her baby and put it out in her backyard in a plastic bag and the baby died. This happened in our quiet community of Bay Ridge. The story is so ridiculous because apparently the mother of the child, a 25 year old woman, was a devout Catholic and that is why she did what she did. Her 27 and 29 year old sisters helped her deliver the baby and put it out. The mother then went to the hospital complaining of abdominal pain thinking they could help her without realizing she just gave birth. WHAT?!?!? I mean isn't it obvious that with one look at her, the medical professionals would be able to tell she had just popped out a child? Hello! So in trying to keep with the Catholics and not have a baby out of wedlock, she decided to hide her pregnancy, give birth, and then pretend she was never pregnant at all. Those Catholics, there are excuses for everything including baby killing. And then the family priest said that the child would have a catholic funeral. Well isn't that sooo generous of them. Maybe we can have a good old Catholic public hanging for the idiot mother.

This is sad because you think of all the people out there trying to get pregnant and can't. All the people who want to adopt and have problems. And then you have this moron and two sisters murder a poor child. And we're not talking young kids here. These are women well into their twenties, one of them almost 30. I mean what are you people thinking? I hope they throw the book at her. Ugh. It makes my blood boil.

That's it for the sad stories of the day. I promise there won't be another morbid one like this for a while. It just makes me crazy. Sad and angry all at the same time. The shittiness of life. No one can escape it.

Notes from the sick couch

I wrote this whole brilliant post yesterday and somehow it got deleted into cyber oblivion. I'll try to recreate it but I don't know if I can.

I've been sick again since last week. Really sick. I've determined that my immune system has vanished. I keep getting these throat infections, each one worse than the last. It's so painful. It sucks. I haven't even kissed anyone in ages. There's no rhyme or reason to it. It's just my body revolting against me.

But this time while I was home sick, I got a new treat on daytime TV. It seems that the push to have women stop their periods is over. I didn't see a single birth control pill commerical. In its place is the unholy union between MTV and the new Hilary Swank movie, The Reaping. Have you seen the promo for this movie? Well, let me tell you all about it. The movie, that is, because between MTV's 15 million commercials, I think I pretty much got it.

So we start off with the south...that should say it all right there. Creeeepy. There's some wailing music, a wooden canoe floating through the bayou. Oh but this isn't any old bayou. Its water is replaced with HUMAN BLOOD. And who do you call when you have a river full of blood? Well Hilary Swank of course. She plays some sort of expert on biblical phenomenons. Does this even exist? They cut to her speaking in some sort of auditorium about how all 57 cases she has investigated have had a scientific explanation. But not this one!! It's very reminiscent of Ashley Judd in Kiss the Girls, or something like that.

She is summoned to the south, land of wailing music, canoes, blood filled rivers and guess what else this land beholds? Oh yeah, try cooking an egg down south. Guess what? They're empty!! That's right, the eggs pretty much are just filled with water. No yolk, no slime. Just clear water. Are you getting chills yet?

Apparently it seems that Hil can break the curse by opening some door that leads to a land of swarming bees. And lest us not forget one other horrifying thing in the south: kids ride their bikes. And they ride them in a creepy slow motion sort of way with the wailing music playing in the background. So will I be going to the south anytime soon? No thanks.

I think this was a good synopsis of the movie, don't you? I mean MTV airs about 3 different versions of the promo about 57 million times a day. MTV has got to have something to do with this movie. It's shameless self promotion. I just can't believe that Hilary has sunk so low. It's disappointing.

So it seems the commerical for The Reaping has surpassed the birth control frenzy. But let me pose this to you: why are the eggs empty? I think someone has been showing those chickens the birth control ads. Hmmm ponder that.

So I'm off now to go home and try to get more rest. Peace out!

Pause

I'm pressing pause on the dating scene I think. I've put myself out there a bunch in the last month or so and for what? A big lot of nothing. I gave in and called Mr. Tv on Friday night. I got put to voicemail limbo. That is just so disappointing because I liked him. I might have to lay off for a while.

What sucks about that is that I have two new emails in my match.com mailbox which I cannot open unless I pay $40 for the month. Really? $40 to read an email probably from some ugly dude. What I've come to realize is that the guys I'm attracted to are just never attracted to me.

To follow up my date with the guido, here is the short recap: last saturday night i had a blind triple date. It was my friend, her husband, his friend (my date), husband's brother and his date. It was fun because they were a good group making tasteless jokes. Lots of laughs involved. However my assigned guy was not my type at all. Nice enough guy but he was just guido enough to make me think my friend must think I'm a total guidette. I know I'm from Brooklyn and all but just not my thing. However, husband's brother was cute and he was curious about me and his date was a stick in the mud.

Apparently it was this girl he's been seeing on and off for two years. She was so straight laced, not appreciating any of the jokes. The whole dinner table was laughing and she was looking like she wanted to run for cover. And she did. Mid-dinner she ejected herself from the table, went to the bathroom, and disappeared for a good 20 minutes. Came back looking like she had been hysterically crying.

After dinner, she and I were the last ones out and I asked her "are you ok?" Her response was "I'm too liberal for this" HA HA HA. Because we're all sooo conservative as we're eating dinner at a super gay restaurant in the west village. We moved on to a bar where she began fighting with my friend's husband, saying "life isn't funny!!" Should I have handed her a razorblade then and there? She then stormed out of the door, my only prospect for the night following. Since he was asking about me, I can only hope they call it quits and I can go on another double date, this time with the non-guido. So although it wasn't a love match, it was a fun evening anyway, filled with tons of fireworks.

That's it for my last date. I wonder if I'll go over the edge and pay match.com Is that where desperation kicks in?

Oh and on a final note regarding the axis of evil. They cannot seem to come up with one original plan of their own. Let it just be known that all the places they've gone together have been places we either went or talked about going to. Case in point now: they are traipsing around Italy together. It's all fine but so unoriginal. That is the trip I got my passport for. I would just like to ask that whore how she's enjoying my life. Not that I want it to be my life anymore, cause Hell no. But I wonder what it's like to be so boring.

And also the Hills last night??? Can I hate Spencer more? It's not possible. I want Lauren as my new BFF. She deserves some fun and excitement in her life. Too much time wasted on Heidi Flighty and Skeleton Lips. I literally just got the chills thinking of Spencer. I don't think I can hate someone as much as I hate him and I don't even know the guy.

Let me not forget to mention I Love New York either. The finale last night was ridic. She got proposed to by a mature, sensitive, manly man. Something is wrong with this picture. America has gone mad. I can't even get a guy to call me back and she gets proposed to by a great guy. Alright it's time to go home.

So...

So it's Friday and I have not heard from Mr. Tv. I guess I'm feeling kind of down about it but I think I'm going to put myself out there and call him, just to see.

In other news, have you all heard this story about the chocolate Jesus?

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070330/ap_on_re_us/chocolate_jesus;_ylt=AmJD2QHdhSqqcj0PWQRRoydH2ocA

I saw this story on the news last night and I am shocked and disappointed to see today that they are cancelling this. I was born and raised Catholic. I maintain a certain relationship with Jesus, God, the whole Holy Trinity and what have you. However as I got older I realized there were a lot of things I didn't agree with in this religion. To me, I just take the parts I like and I maintain a spirituality about it. What gets me about this is Cardinal Egan calling it a 'sickening display' and whatnot.

Well isn't the whole priests having sex with little boys really more sickening than a chocolate jesus? I could think of a lot of things more sickening than this. I mean there is so much about the catholic church that makes me quite sick. A chocolate jesus? Well it's art. It's easter time. Instead of a chocolate bunny, chocolate jesus. People really need to just calm down. I don't find it offensive. I actually think it's kind of cool. It's not tasteless. I saw this story on the news last night and they had the gallery owner on and I was thinking I should contact him and let him know that it's really not that bad. Well I guess I'm too late since they pulled it now.

I don't really get what the catholics are so uppity about when they have so much dysfunction running through their holy water. A chocolate jesus doesn't really make me think less of my religion. It's the rampant hatred that it teaches, the intolerance, the deniance of self that really makes me think less.

That's just my two cents for today on Catholicism. I would have like to see the chocolate jesus, maybe taken a bite. Oh well.

My Favorite Mistake

I figure maybe I owe my loyal readers some explanation of my weekend since I did hype everyone up over it. But maybe I'll omit some names and details so as to not offend the involved parties.

Friday night I had my date with Mr. Tv. I went to banana republic after work and bought myself a cute little shirt/belt combo in a last ditch effort to appear feminine and put together. HA HA HA HA. But really. I was sooo nervous for this date. I've been on quite a few dates recently and there were none that I was this nervous or excited about.

I got the call and we agree to meet at a location in Williamsburg, how surprising. I show up and he's outside on the cell phone, giving me the sign that someone is yapping to him. Anyway he was just as cute as I remembered, if not cuter. He finally cuts the person off with a very sweet "I don't mean to cut you but my girl Melanie is here so I gotta go". Awwww.

We proceeded into the bar, sat ourselves in a corner and there you have it. 3 drinks for me, two for him and call it a night. Well we sat at the bar for a good 4 hours. I thought we had some excellent conversation. I learned all about the behind-the-scenes tv business, which was so interesting because I don't know anyone who does that kind of work. I felt it hard to look him in the eye because I thought he was that cute. And I don't mean like hot in a drooly sort of way. Just super cute in all the right ways, with the messy hair, faint beard and mustache. Yum.

We left the bar around 1 a.m. I didn't want to just leave it as I normally do, which is jumping out of the car so fast there is no opportunity for a kiss even on the cheek. So I went in for the lip kiss. Not the gross makeout but a sweet, innocent, little peck. He didn't seem to be resisting. I tried to secure another date but he seemed on the fence. Hey, I get it, he works crazy hours, has a crazy schedule and that's fine. I'm not asking for marriage or anything. He said he'd call me this week. Well it's Wednesday. I don't know if I should be concerned or not yet.

He did sum up my life in the perfect way though. After telling him some of my stories, he said "You are surrounded by crazy people". I could not have put it better.

I left that date feeling quite high. I got home and could not sleep.

Tune in for Saturday night's recap. A hilarious evening I like to call "Date with a guido". Or something like that.

About last night...

Ok so yesterday I was writing from the depths of boredom. Today, I have a more exciting tale of my night last night. It was an emotional rollercoaster.

Let me start with this: I went to Pete's Candy Store in Williamsburg to participate in Wednesday night's Trivia night. Paired up with some girls there to be on their team since we arrived late. It felt like I was back in school, some very nerdy people all sitting very seriously and studiously around tables, pens and papers in hand. The questions were ridiculously hard and random. It was not trivia of the average person. I felt dumb. But I had some Long Island Iced Tea's and that made it all okay.

One of the girls we paired up with was a very cute, if not slightly butchy, girl from Hawaii. For whatever reason (probably a combination of boredom, loneliness and the LIT's) I was sort of feeling her. I was definitely having a bi-curious moment. Anyway I tried to get some play on that only to be told I wasn't her type!! Ugh the rejection!! I felt pretty sad after that and was getting pretty down on myself. I don't know what I expected. Apparently not that. So I left he bar feeling pretty buzzed and depressed. What a great combination. Onto my next conquest.

Driving through Williamsburg, I stumbled across a television crew that was filming something. I stopped at the red light where it was all happening. This ridiculously cute man (part of the crew) was standing there in the street so I rolled down my window and asked him what all the fuss was about. He proceeded to tell me they are filiming a pilot for a show called Gossip Girls and that it's a New York version of The O.C. He then pointed out to me the guy who produces The O.C. or whatever. Well of course I had no idea of either who he was talking about or who he was pointing to but ok.

We pulled away and somehow I felt compelled to go back and want to speak to this man. He was really cute in the dorky way that I love. I waited a bit and then circled around again. This time with my phone open and in hand so I could get a drive-by number! I knew he was working and didn't want to make a scene so I figured if I just rolled up and asked for digits, we'd be good to go.

The drive-by went like this: we pull up, stop, roll the window down and I wave him over. He says "you again?" To which I start babbling and he puts his fingers to his lips to silence me and says in a whisper "We're filming right now, go around the block again". Who am I to say no?

Go around the block again. I pull up again, roll down the window. Phone open and ready again. I start babbling again about how I know he's working but I want to take him out sometime and can I have his number. First sentence out of his mouth is "I don't make a lot of money!" Well right there I think we know that we are perfect for eachother. I started cracking up and say "I really don't care how much money you make. " My assumption is that he thought that I was all starstruck and caught up and wanted to date him because of what he does. HAH! I have no clue what it is he does, nor do I care, nor do I want him to try to get me on TV. The horror! I just wanted to take him out.

The conversation went on, I found out that he lives here and not in L.A., he has crazy work hours, and I finally got those digits. And I did the age old experiment of calling him right then and there to make sure I wasn't getting duped. Can we say paranoid??

I pulled away victorious. I then text messaged him and I'm supposed to call him today to sort it out and get together tomorrow. Whew. Crazy.

The night didn't end there. We tried to go to a spontaneous dinner at Peter Luger's...crazy I know. Pit stop at the bank to get some cash. And we couldn't be seated. Apparently thier last reservation is 9:45 and it was now 10:30. Oh well. Kellogg diner we go.

And that was that. Now back at work and getting myself all worked up over having to call this guy and make a date plan. What is wrong with me? And why is my life a sitcom?

Workless

Today is the second day of not being able to do work based on the fact that our computers are down at work. Hmmmph.

Not too much else to report other than boredom. I mean things happen in life but nothing that exciting. I've been out to dinner a bunch in the past week, all good and enjoyable meals. Spent Sunday doing a lot of shoveling, on account of our recent storm. I haven't seen any movies. Haven't finished any books yet.

I guess I'm just posting because there is little else I can do. I dyed my hair last night. Watched too much TV on Monday night, what an overload! And can I just say for the record and those of you who watch The Hills, I fu$king hate Spencer Pratt! His hair, his teeth, his upper lip. I can't stand any of it. It makes me sick to my stomach. What a weasel. I can't even deal. That stupid chain he wears around his neck. Ugh, all of it.

I guess that's all I have for now. Boring I know. But it's all I got.

Spring Forward

I'm back from another weekend. But this one was weird because of the whole time change thing. I feel like yesterday went by in a blur, before I knew it I was forcing myself to sleep.

Friday night I went to dinner with my girl Marla. It was good to recap. We then went to Level, one of the newer hotspots in the Ridge. What's funny is that the people in the Bay Ridge bars seem to always stay the same. No matter how often or not that I go out there, we always wind up seeing the same group of guys from high school. It's weird. It seems they are getting older and the girls are getting younger. I feel like if I'm there, and they are there, there's something wrong with this picture. I mean I know I've moved on, moved out of the ridge, gotten a life of some sort. But these guys? And these poor girls have no idea and think they are meeting some kind of sophisticated older man. Meanwhile they are just meeting the losers and rejects who can't seem to get a life.

Saturday night was the bookclub meeting in Hoboken. I've never been to Hoboken before. Cute little town but it did remind me a bit of Bay Ridge. I feel like every cutesy little town reminds me of bay ridge. We had a great, if not quick, dinner at Margheritas. Awesome Italian food and BYOB, which I thought included soda, so I came with Brooklyn lager and two bottles of coke in tow. Seriously I have some blond moments. The dinner was so much and so quick that it made me literally sick. But it was deee-licious. I would like to go back for a more leisurely dinner.

After dinner we had time to kill and hit up a bar where we played pool. That's where we met Gina. Gina was standing by the bathroom watching us play, then felt compelled to coach us, then felt compelled to join us. I don't know what exactly about us made us scream for an extra, unknown, player but she was there nonetheless. I had to admire her fearlessness. Here we were, possibly the worst pool players in the world (or so we thought, but with some booze and gina helping us we got better) and she wanted to befriend us.

We then trekked back to the city to the bitter end to see some live music, aka, Rutt. He always provides good tunes. We hung around at Peculiar Pub afterwards and I almost felt like I was an NYU student. Maybe for a split second and then it passed. I took the train home in the pouring rain at about 1:30. I'm glad I was somewhat sober otherwise I feel like it could have been a bad experience.

Yesterday was a blur at the Roosevelt Field mall. I wanted to shop but felt too tired. And here I am. I wonder what happened to that hour we gave up? It's so funny how we can just manipulate time. Don't you think? Like I wonder what could have happened in that extra hour that I sacrificed to daylight savings. Probably nothing but how will I ever know?

I guess that's it for now. Nothing too exciting. I have that Omarion song in my head "Icebox". You know it? The hook says "I have an icebox where my heart used to be....". It gets me thinking. Maybe I have an icebox where my heart used to be? That might explain why I find it so hard to feel anything these days. It's hard to feel angry or sad or even happy. I've had the life sucked out of me. I'm kind of numb. It's not good, I know it. But maybe with the warmer weather the icebox will start to melt. I hope so. This is going nowhere fast. Or maybe I just really like the song so I want to pretend to have an icebox where my heart used to be? I'm just talking out of my behind right now. Feeling crazy for a Monday. Peace out.

Regression

I realize I've been doing things I never got to do way back when. I realize that being in a 6 year relationship for most of my twenties really robbed me of some independence. So now I do some things to make up for lost times. I sleep with random people. Make out with random people. I get stoned and pretend I don't know what I'm doing, meanwhile I'm fully aware. Oh well. I guess it could be worse.

Somehow I've taken some steps back but it's all ok because at least I realize it. I'm not really being self destructive. Just acting out a little.

In other news I'm trying to not drink anymore. I just hate how I feel. It causes me to regress and act a fool, like DMX says. But it's just so hard because I feel like every social interaction revolves somehow around drinking. It's not that I can't have a good time without drinking, I don't need it as a social prop. But I just feel like I'm not being social if I'm not drinking a beer. I'm just torn about it all. I feel like I'm just getting too old for hangovers and hanging out in bars.

This past weekend I went to visit the kiddies in Staten Island. It was fun, more fun than I thought. It made me rethink my stance on the whole kids thing. Maybe I want them one day. As exhausting and annoying as they can be, don't they spice up life? I guess it could get boring after awhile just being you and your mate or whatever. I'm not saying I want them tomorrow, or next year, or in 10 years. But maybe one day.

Well I must go and be responsible and do work stuff. I'll check in soon. Just wanted to let everyone know my mind is still alive.

Peace!

Phenomenon

There seems to be a phenomenon taking over the male population. It strikes again and again and it's so not cool. It's the tucked-in shirt. I don't know why or how but for some reason men of all ages, races, social status, height, weight, etc seem to subscribe to this craziness. And I'm not talking like a night at a fancy dinner where of course it's fine to wear slacks and a tucked in button down shirt. I'm talking about the casual looking, hang out on Friday night, tuck in your shirt. Why is this ever appropriate? It just isn't. Someone needs to tell these men. That's why they are still single. They tuck in polo shirts, t-shirts, long sleeve, and the worst offender is the tucked in short sleeve shirt. EWWWW!!

And you may be thinking it's just geeks. No, it isn't. Trust me. I've had much experience in this lately. This look is not reserved for the nerd. At least then, I might be able to forgive it and chalk it up to geekiness. Honestly I don't know how you can put on an outfit that might be considered cool, then tuck in the shirt, then look in the mirror and say "wow, i look great!" and then walk out the door. It's silly. Pure silly.

I found myself at a bar recently talking to a man that had just come off a bad first date. Somehow we began talking about our likes/dislikes in a mate and I started ranting about how much I hated the tucked in shirt. He became very defensive. In my drunken stupor I chalked it up to whatever. However then I stepped back and noticed that he in fact was guilty of the offense!! No wonder.

Then I went out with a guy who had the tucked in shirt. We met for a drink. Another internet date. I know, I know. I said I would stop but I get bored. So we went out and he started asking me what my pet peeves were. I wanted to say "The tucked in shirt" but realized I couldn't because he was guilty too.

It doesn't end here. I dated someone who tucked their shirt into their pajamas. It just goes on and on.

I'm not saying it's never appropriate. Sometimes it is. But some men just do it when it doesn't need to be done. When it doesn't look right. I know you want to show off your booty but really. It's not necessary.

Period!

I've been sick for about a week now, it seems I have some virus in my throat. I wonder if Loverboy is infected or not. Who knows but I'm not going to ask.

I was home for 2 days with the illness and I noticed something weird. Watching daytime TV really opens your eyes. So it seems that every other commercial is some birth control commercial that will make you "have 4 periods a year" "have a period once every 10 years" and finally, the worst "no periods anymore! at all!" I'm sorry but something is wrong with this picture. I didn't realize being a woman and getting your period had become such an inconvenience. It's kind of scary. I mean I'm all for the pill but this is just taking it to the extreme. Isn't it NORMAL and part of our biology to have a monthly period? I'm no expert here but I have to say that somehow we are fucking ourselves up by denying our bodies their natural course every month to break down our eggs.

I forgot that being a woman and all, it's so annoying. I mean every month I get this little sign that everything is working ok and hey, i'm not pregnant! hallelujah! I'm not the biggest fan, yes the period is sometimes painful and it is a pain in the ass, but I still like being reminded that I'm still a woman. Are we moving closer to becoming men? I really don't get what is going on here. When did we stop not wanting to be women anymore? We worked so hard for women's lib to just say fuck it, i'll be a man instead. Period? what's that?

It reminds me of that movie out now, which I saw, Children of Men. It's that dark one with Clive Owen where women become infertile. I think that is what's going to happen eventually. We are going to keep messing with our biology until we can't even reproduce anymore. Maybe this is somehow the government's way of population control? It's all extremely bizarre and unsettling to me. Something about it doesn't sit right. Are we prepared to put the maxi pad and tampon industry out of business forever? Someone should warn them.

Recently I was talking to a co-worker and we were reminiscing about the time we first got our periods. I guess the new version of that will be "I remember when I first and last got my period, it was all the same cycle and I haven't had one since now that I'm on this pill".

It's amazing we can stop the reproductive process as we know it but can't cure cancer or aids or our homeless problem or impeach President Bush.

That's all I got to say about that one for now. I'm horrified. I hope I never have to stay home sick again during the week.

Amazing!

I started off last weekends hecticness with a bang, quite literally. ha ha. I had a rendezvous with Mr. New Year's Eve, aka Loverboy. What I don't understand, and excuse me for being a little carrie bradshaw-ish right now, but I don't understand how people function in their everyday lives, go to work, eat breakfast, do ANYTHING when you could be lounging around in bed with someone for 12 hours having an awesome time? I feel like I've been missing out on a whole world these past few years. I'm glad to be back in the loop. I don't know if i'll ever see him again, probably not, but at least I have some really amazing memories. I still can't seem to comprehend why some 24 year old thinks I'm the cat's meow but whatever. It's all good and I'm not complaining.

After my ridiculous day in bed with loverboy, i had to go out to dinner with the bookclub which was something I was looking forward to but was in no shape to attend. So I trudged through it, sans alcohol. It was a good time though and really great to see everyone in a non-work environment.

Sunday was the camp fair in Westchester which wasn't as bad as it sounds. Katie and I put on a good show. And then we had a late lunch/early dinner at Applebees where we discovered that they have some really great birthday songs they sing to customers.

The week itself was pretty blah. I was sick for a good part of it and still recovering. Went to the SCOPE event last night at Stereo. I was excited to finally see Stereo because the one time I tried to get in there, I was denied entrance and wondered what was beyond those velvet ropes. The answer: not a whole lot. I was quite unimpressed. The place was small. I couldn't understand for the life of me why people wait in some ridiculous line on weekends to get in. I kept thinking there had to be another floor, another level we were missing but there wasn't. It was an okay party I guess. Not drinking definitely makes things lose their appeal a bit. But money was raised and kids are going to camp so that's always a plus.

Another weekend is upon us. No surprise visits from loverboy to look forward to. I think i'm going to take it easy this weekend and try to recover from the week, get my health back in order. And go check on my mom, see how she's doing with the shoulder. I wish you all a fabulous weekend!

Friday

It's been another crazy week. I'm happy for Friday but I also have a long weekend ahead of me, jam-packed with lots of stuff so it won't even be relaxing. Humph.

My mom fell this week at the Union Square subway station and broke her arm in two places. So alas, the streak of not having any family emergencies has ended. It really sucks.

I met Heather and the Castros last night at the Crocodile lounge for some beer, games and free pizza. Does it get better than that? It was a lot of fun.

I finally got my bike back so those of you who know about it can now heave a sigh of relief that you don't have to hear about the dreaded bike anymore. It's back, it's mine again and finally all my ties are cut to napoleon and his whore. That is the one beam of sunshine this week.

In other news it's really really really REALLY cold today. My snot was actually freezing in my nose. I think it was 9 degrees when I woke up this morning. I guess winter had to come at some point.

Other great news is that I got my mp3 player back and it seems to be working just as it did before the fall. I am really excited to get my music back on there but that's a project that I don't think I'll get to this weekend.

So it's Friday and while I want to be excited, it's hard knowing there is a full weekend ahead with no rest. I hope you all have a great weekend.

Finally!

This past weekend I finally shaved my legs. What an experience!! There is an actual leg under there. It's amazing. Glad that's over with.

Last night I dyed my roots too. I'm on a roll here. Don't know why I'm on this sudden womanscaping kick but there you have it. It's the winter, I'm bored. Why not take care of business?

Nothing too exciting to report otherwise. My weekend was pretty dull. Spent a lot of time with the fam, it was mom's birthday. Worked on my room some more. I finally got my tv! So i hooked that up and my dvd player and my room is now a true sanctuary. Nothing better than falling asleep beside the remote control.

I had a crazy dream last night. One where a question was to be answered and I kept waiting for it and then of course, as I was about to find out the answer, the alarm goes off. What the eff? It's so not fair. Life's mysteries could have been unraveled last night/early this morning and I lost it. Sorry people, another chance to save humanity escaped me. In the same dream though a bird shit on my hand. I don't know what that means as far as symbolism but there you have it.

I Heart Geeks, etc.

I realize maybe I'm posting too much but I have some thoughts that I need to get out there.

Firstly: Been watching Beauty and the Geek. I've never watched before this season but it's pretty good. And I realize that I really do adore the geeks. They got their makeovers last night, and for the most part, they looked hawt! Woot! All it takes is some grooming and a lesson in wearing deodorant, and we're a-okay. I am really jonezing for a particular geek, Scooter. They had to auction them off for dates last night with their new looks. Poor Scooter was auctioned off for some ridiculously low price, as I sat in my seat thinking "I would bid $75 for a date with him!" Hands down. I think in real life too, I really like a geekier man. Of course not one who looks completely geeky and unattractive but I realize that what I find attractive is not the norm. I've been known to crush on guys that other girls would normally not even look at. Something in the essence of a geek I find very comforting. Maybe because I'm a geek too. Oh well. I'll wait to see what develops on the show with Scooter. I hope he gets some action because he really deserves it.

Secondly: the drunk text message. This takes drunk dialing to a whole new level. When you drunk text someone, you can be much more ballsy than you are on the normal drunk dial. and you don't even have to hear the other person laughing at you saying "are you drunk?" I've been known to send a few drunk text messages and thank god you don't have a live person at the other end. It really aids in making a complete and utter ass of yourself and not having to deal with the consequences right then and there. Fun stuff.

Thirdly: my list of things that are awesome, compared to my list of things that suck.
1: 24 year olds
2: Being told you have an unbelievable rack and a fantastic ass, in the most honest way possible, despite the fact that you have gray hair and hairy legs.
3: spending half a day in bed cuddling and spooning with someone you barely know and having a steamy makout session that might be better than sex. Yum.
4:karma.
5: geeks!


All I got for now!