Eye of the Tiger

My rant for this week about the media: the tiger who killed a person and wounded two others at the San Francisco zoo. To the families- well yes, I'm sorry that a tiger killed your loved one. And I'm sorry that a tiger wounded you guys. Lest we not forget that all in all, the tiger is still a wild animal.

The front pages of the newspaper today are really annoying. The media is now portraying this tiger as...as what? As the wild animal that it is? Making it out to be some killer, stalking it's 'prey', like the tiger has been laying in wait for that perfect person to show up so it can attack. This is absurd. It's a wild animal. Something went wrong. It snapped. End of story. But no, I guess we need to make up a whole story behind it. Whether or not it was taunted. Whether or not it has a human like brain that is sooo complicated, like that of a serial killer, who has been plotting this out for months. Are we kidding here? It's really a tad nauseating.

It makes me sad that the tiger was killed. I understand why of course that had to happen. But I'm always on the side of the animal, I can't help it. We think that because an animal has been kept in captivity that it should somehow forget it's natural instincts. That suddenly it should just behave like a good little boy or girl. This is where the debate comes in of nurture vs. nature.

Case in point, I went to Aruba several years ago with my then boyfriend. In the center of this outdoor mall was this huge glass enclosement where they kept a tiger. I believe her name was Tess or Tessa. You could watch Tess for hours through the glass and even better, you could actually pay to go into this enclosure and take a picture with Tess. Of course while taking the picture, Tess was shackled with big chains on every limb, but who notices really? You're taking a picture with a tiger right? The whole scene made me really sad. This tiger was totally alone, had no other tigers that I could tell to interact with. She was enclosed in this pit right across from the hotel I was staying at, so we went there quite a few times.

I remember being sad about it and talking to my ex about it. He brought up a good point. He said that while it was sort of terrible, the other option was that Tess could have been out in the wild and killed already. So in order to live and keep a species alive, this is what we do. It's a catch 22. No one wins really. You could say the animal wins because they get to live but is that really how they should be living? Repressing and surpressing all their natural instincts?

We expect that a caged animal should eventually forget what it is and somehow become 'human'. Think again. This shit happens. It's no one's fault but mother nature. If a tiger out in the wild, let's say in Africa, attacked and killed someone, that would be ok because it wasn't in a zoo right? It wouldn't get nearly this much media attention. It would be a sad story but not the law and order episode it has turned into. It really is just making me sick. It is a tragedy on many levels. The people who were hurt and the tiger that was now killed. Doesn't that now defeat the purpose of propagating the species in captivity?

What we need to remember is this: it's pleasant and quaint and cute to go to a zoo and see animals up close and personal. However, we still need to keep in mind that they are, in fact, animals.

Another case in point: I went to the Bronx Zoo two years ago in the fall. Beautiful fall day, could not get more perfect. I hadn't been to the Bronx zoo since childhood. I was fascinated by every animal I encountered. And the tiger habitat there is NO JOKE. It's beautiful and scary all at once.

I came across the lions, out there in the distance of their little pen. They looked beautiful and majestic out there. All of a sudden, the male started roaring. That was the first time I had ever heard a real, actual lion roaring in front of me. It was again, beautiful yet terrifying. It reminded me that hey, I was on his turf and I best watch my step.

There is no invisible line separating any given animal from us at any zoo. No force field. The line is how they are raised (nurture) versus how much of their nature they have surprssed. At any given time, that natural instinct can take hold and all hell can break loose. And that's what I believe happened here. It's as much a privilege for us to be able to go to a zoo as it is for the animals to be there.

And that's my piece. Amen.

It's the Holiday Season!

Ahh December, December. What a month. Busy busy. I'm EXHAUSTED. It's almost over, one more week.

Looking back on my calendar, I've done a lot this month. We finished up the football season, lost in the playoffs which absolutely SUCKED. We were undefeated up until that point. And we played our hearts out in the freezing cold and snow, only to be robbed. Followed that up with an end of season football party which was off the hook. Dancing, drinking, sweating, etc.

Then came Santacon which was amazing. Picture hundreds of santas, elves, reindeer, etc running around Manhattan, drinking and having fun.

In between all that I got my culture of the year in. Saw Jeff's play Urge which was really something. And then I got to see some ballet performances at Julliard, a la the Baja's.

I've gone to four holiday parties. Done some secret snowflake, white elephant gift swapping. Contracted a rash/allergic reaction from something, went on 2 dates with a lame guy who was going through an 'existenstial crisis', realized that I am only attracted to boys who have girlfriends (and the worst kind: live ins at that!) and I ended it all last night with a cry fest at I Am Legend. All I can say about that is that I'm not a big crier, however when you throw a dog into the mix, all bets are off. And anyone who has seen it can vouch. I was in hysteric sobs, body convulsing, at a certain part of the movie. It left me emotionally exhausted.

Now it's Friday. I still have tons of shopping to do this weekend. The holiday spirit has been sucked from me. I need to sleep, shop, and sleep some more. Maybe try to see Juno at some point.

I've discovered new music along the way. I went to the Knitting Factory (first time!) and saw AM and Bob Schneider playing acoustic sets. It was pretty awesome. I had never heard either one of them before and now I'm hooked. I even talked to AM when he came off stage. I was standing at the little stage door and he came out and I told him his set was awesome and he did a great job! What I really wanted was to comment on his sweater vest but I couldn't find the words.

Napster has been advertising Blake Lewis' (of American Idol fame) new album. I finally decided to give it a listen and really, it's not half bad. I've listened to it about 3 times in the past two days. It's got a nice vibe going on.

So peace out, happy holidays to you and yours and safe travels.

Is it just me?

Or is it totally crazy that there is a new Peterson case in the news where the husband offed his wife? This time Stacey and not Laci. What is up with that?

There was something else I wanted to write about but now I forgot...

In the meantime am I allowed to vent for 2 seconds about what happened to me on Friday at Sweet Melissa's in cobble hill? And by this I mean that I went in for a cup of coffee. The man at the counter just gives you the cup filled with black coffee and you then have to fix it up yourself. The coffee was $1.90 and I handed him $2 and he kept the 10 cents for himself, with a huge smile and a "thank you!". Ummm what??????? Some nerve up in Cobble Hill. I mean he didn't even deserve a tip. What did he do besides pour coffee into a cup? I wasn't going to fight with him over it, but I thought it was a bit presumptuous. Why would I let him keep the change? Was he insane?

I've been doing lots the past few weeks. Went to Boston to see Molly, finally saw The Hall Monitors (thanks to Rachel), and just been doing my thing, keeping busy, showing face, getting out there. Isn't that how you're supposed to meet people? .

When I remember what I wanted to write about, I'll post again.

Peace out!

Turn the other cheek

Sometimes it's hard to determine what is the appropriate situation in which to turn the other cheek. Like when you know someone is lying to you about their age and relationship status, and then they proposition you for a 'date' and fully knowing all of this, you think you still want to go. Because maybe the person is that cute and hey, it's free ass. And by that, I mean free emotionally and physically. Isn't that the best kind? The NSA kind. The kind we all need sometimes.

But what if I was the girlfriend? This is why having a conscience sometimes sucks. I would like to turn the other cheek and forget it and go out with him anyway and see what happens. Then does that make me a ho? Oh that is just disgusting. I can't stand it.

Such crises. Begs me to ask why I even try to be in the game. And why I continue to attract men with ridiculous flaws: such as having a girlfriend.

WHAT THE HELL PEOPLE?????????

If you're a self-proclaimed 'player' then fine. But why be in a relationship? Isn't that a contradiction?

Life: so funny, really. I will continue to maintain that stance.

Hell of a week

In the past week:

I saw 30 days of Night. Give it a medium. Not terrific, not horrible, just eh.

I had a birthday-29 years I've been walking around clueless. Great.

I had a birthday party. Lots of fun.

I had two birthday dinners. 2 birthday cakes.

I attended a wake, only to be called on my way home with news of another death. So within a week I will have attended 2 wakes. And this makes me realize I have some unconventional attitudes toward death.

I discovered the music of 'Handsome Boy Modeling School'. Good stuff.

I caught up on Tell Me You Love Me. I was missing that.

I made the decision that I'm too old to chase anything.

I'm obsessed with the bookclub book about the Fundamentalist Mormons.

It seems my calendar is getting more and more full. And I really like simplicity.

I became a sponsor to someone in need. It's funny that I can be of help to anyone but oh well.

Under the Banner of Horror...

Something more scary than Halloween: Fundamentalist Mormons.

I hope everyone has a great Halloween.

A literal cliche/proverb/metaphor

You know how sometimes you have those moments in life that are just so funny, poetic, deep, etc? And you don't want to forget them. Or they keep resurfacing? I had one such one this summer.

I've made mistakes. Lots of them. Had some unproud moments as of late. All kinds of things I wish I can go back and redo.

Picture it: Manhattan and New Jersey, July 2007.

I attended a work party, got a little tipsy, got dared to ask a cute 22 year old to 'make out'. So I did. Let me mention that I was his superior and I kind of had a crush on him all summer. But he was a smooth, fast talker. A real ladies man if you will. He was the type that was totally out of my league and if I was 18 I would have loved him and stalked him from afar with no satisfaction.

But being older and oh so much wiser, I took the dare without much prodding. I didn't need much. I walked right over to him and said "Hey, do you want to make out?"

And he looked at me, did not even flinch or hesitate and said "Yeah, meet me in the bathroom".

Well I was so taken back that I couldn't even fathom it. I apologized profusely, told him I was dared and to forget it. But I think we both knew that we really wanted it anyway. So after some banter we made our way downstairs. I then got paranoid about other staff people seeing us so he gracefully ushered us into a nearby parking lot. We started making out and it took me about 5 seconds to come to my senses. I pushed him off, said I couldn't do this. What kind of an idiot does that?????? ME!

So anyway I left feeling really giddy like a 22 year old myself. Going to work that Monday was weird because I felt like everyone would be talking and know about it. But oddly enough, he was extremely discreet about it. Things were weird, we didn't really talk, didn't maintain eye contact. But he kept sort of stalking me in my office, looking for reasons to show up and linger, except that other people were always around.

By the fourth day, his lingering was getting creepy. I was alone in the office. I knew he would come a creeping and we had to talk about this incident. I was right on the money. He showed up and we somehow got into the conversation about what happened. Which was really nothing. I apologized, told him I should have known better as his superior, launched into this whole adult like speech, which was so unlike me. He was taken aback. He said that we could either forget it, or pursue it. I told him I felt that I was inappropriate and too old. He told me not to worry about the whole age thing, that he 'had older'. I almost died on the floor. People started filtering into the office at this point. The whole conversation was just weird. It wasn't really resolving anything or going anywhere. He walked away for a second. Came back with a ball in his hand, placed it on the empty chair next to me and said "In your court". I love it! Even recounting it, I love it. What a moment!!! So dramatic and then he walked out.

Anyway the rest of the 4 weeks we had there together were spent sort of flirting, lots of innuendo but no action. I was waiting for him to really pursue something, lay it on the line but it never happened. Towards the end of the summer, he lost the lease on his apartment and wanted to stay over in my dorm room for 1 night. By that point I was so gittery, I couldn't even imagine what that would be like. So I let it go. All of it. The innuendo, the flirtation. In fact another shining moment was him saying to me "You keep playing hard to get. But you have to realize that in the end, I get it". Well that may be true, but he didn't even really try.

I think about him now. Sometimes we say what's up on facebook. I really regret not pushing that to go somewhere. I was scared. I thought he was too cool. Once, I told him that I'd seen his work, that I knew he was a ladies man. He told me the only one he was 'working' was me. I don't know why I was such a mess. But I sit here now completely kicking myself for not taking that 'ball' that was in my court and doing more. I guess maybe I felt like I had made the first move so it was up to him to finish it. Oh well.

I sit, I ponder, I dream about what could have been. It could have been good times. I see his profile on facebook and he looks so damn cute and is so my type with his little sweaters and hipster look. It really kills me. It was just one of those moments in life. A snapshot. I wish I could go back and change what happened from that ball in my court to the end. It could have been good if I let him spend the night and didn't get all crazy about it and say no.