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Or is it totally crazy that there is a new Peterson case in the news where the husband offed his wife? This time Stacey and not Laci. What is up with that?There was something else I wanted to write about but now I forgot...In the meantime am I allowed to vent for 2 seconds about what happened to me on Friday at Sweet Melissa's in cobble hill? And by this I mean that I went in for a cup of coffee. The man at the counter just gives you the cup filled with black coffee and you then have to fix it up yourself. The coffee was $1.90 and I handed him $2 and he kept the 10 cents for himself, with a huge smile and a "thank you!". Ummm what??????? Some nerve up in Cobble Hill. I mean he didn't even deserve a tip. What did he do besides pour coffee into a cup? I wasn't going to fight with him over it, but I thought it was a bit presumptuous. Why would I let him keep the change? Was he insane? I've been doing lots the past few weeks. Went to Boston to see Molly, finally saw The Hall Monitors (thanks to Rachel), and just been doing my thing, keeping busy, showing face, getting out there. Isn't that how you're supposed to meet people? .When I remember what I wanted to write about, I'll post again.Peace out!
Sometimes it's hard to determine what is the appropriate situation in which to turn the other cheek. Like when you know someone is lying to you about their age and relationship status, and then they proposition you for a 'date' and fully knowing all of this, you think you still want to go. Because maybe the person is that cute and hey, it's free ass. And by that, I mean free emotionally and physically. Isn't that the best kind? The NSA kind. The kind we all need sometimes. But what if I was the girlfriend? This is why having a conscience sometimes sucks. I would like to turn the other cheek and forget it and go out with him anyway and see what happens. Then does that make me a ho? Oh that is just disgusting. I can't stand it. Such crises. Begs me to ask why I even try to be in the game. And why I continue to attract men with ridiculous flaws: such as having a girlfriend.WHAT THE HELL PEOPLE?????????If you're a self-proclaimed 'player' then fine. But why be in a relationship? Isn't that a contradiction? Life: so funny, really. I will continue to maintain that stance.
In the past week:I saw 30 days of Night. Give it a medium. Not terrific, not horrible, just eh.I had a birthday-29 years I've been walking around clueless. Great.I had a birthday party. Lots of fun.I had two birthday dinners. 2 birthday cakes. I attended a wake, only to be called on my way home with news of another death. So within a week I will have attended 2 wakes. And this makes me realize I have some unconventional attitudes toward death.I discovered the music of 'Handsome Boy Modeling School'. Good stuff.I caught up on Tell Me You Love Me. I was missing that.I made the decision that I'm too old to chase anything.I'm obsessed with the bookclub book about the Fundamentalist Mormons. It seems my calendar is getting more and more full. And I really like simplicity.I became a sponsor to someone in need. It's funny that I can be of help to anyone but oh well.
Something more scary than Halloween: Fundamentalist Mormons. I hope everyone has a great Halloween.
You know how sometimes you have those moments in life that are just so funny, poetic, deep, etc? And you don't want to forget them. Or they keep resurfacing? I had one such one this summer.
I've made mistakes. Lots of them. Had some unproud moments as of late. All kinds of things I wish I can go back and redo.
Picture it: Manhattan and New Jersey, July 2007.
I attended a work party, got a little tipsy, got dared to ask a cute 22 year old to 'make out'. So I did. Let me mention that I was his superior and I kind of had a crush on him all summer. But he was a smooth, fast talker. A real ladies man if you will. He was the type that was totally out of my league and if I was 18 I would have loved him and stalked him from afar with no satisfaction.
But being older and oh so much wiser, I took the dare without much prodding. I didn't need much. I walked right over to him and said "Hey, do you want to make out?"
And he looked at me, did not even flinch or hesitate and said "Yeah, meet me in the bathroom".
Well I was so taken back that I couldn't even fathom it. I apologized profusely, told him I was dared and to forget it. But I think we both knew that we really wanted it anyway. So after some banter we made our way downstairs. I then got paranoid about other staff people seeing us so he gracefully ushered us into a nearby parking lot. We started making out and it took me about 5 seconds to come to my senses. I pushed him off, said I couldn't do this. What kind of an idiot does that?????? ME!
So anyway I left feeling really giddy like a 22 year old myself. Going to work that Monday was weird because I felt like everyone would be talking and know about it. But oddly enough, he was extremely discreet about it. Things were weird, we didn't really talk, didn't maintain eye contact. But he kept sort of stalking me in my office, looking for reasons to show up and linger, except that other people were always around.
By the fourth day, his lingering was getting creepy. I was alone in the office. I knew he would come a creeping and we had to talk about this incident. I was right on the money. He showed up and we somehow got into the conversation about what happened. Which was really nothing. I apologized, told him I should have known better as his superior, launched into this whole adult like speech, which was so unlike me. He was taken aback. He said that we could either forget it, or pursue it. I told him I felt that I was inappropriate and too old. He told me not to worry about the whole age thing, that he 'had older'. I almost died on the floor. People started filtering into the office at this point. The whole conversation was just weird. It wasn't really resolving anything or going anywhere. He walked away for a second. Came back with a ball in his hand, placed it on the empty chair next to me and said "In your court". I love it! Even recounting it, I love it. What a moment!!! So dramatic and then he walked out.
Anyway the rest of the 4 weeks we had there together were spent sort of flirting, lots of innuendo but no action. I was waiting for him to really pursue something, lay it on the line but it never happened. Towards the end of the summer, he lost the lease on his apartment and wanted to stay over in my dorm room for 1 night. By that point I was so gittery, I couldn't even imagine what that would be like. So I let it go. All of it. The innuendo, the flirtation. In fact another shining moment was him saying to me "You keep playing hard to get. But you have to realize that in the end, I get it". Well that may be true, but he didn't even really try.
I think about him now. Sometimes we say what's up on facebook. I really regret not pushing that to go somewhere. I was scared. I thought he was too cool. Once, I told him that I'd seen his work, that I knew he was a ladies man. He told me the only one he was 'working' was me. I don't know why I was such a mess. But I sit here now completely kicking myself for not taking that 'ball' that was in my court and doing more. I guess maybe I felt like I had made the first move so it was up to him to finish it. Oh well.
I sit, I ponder, I dream about what could have been. It could have been good times. I see his profile on facebook and he looks so damn cute and is so my type with his little sweaters and hipster look. It really kills me. It was just one of those moments in life. A snapshot. I wish I could go back and change what happened from that ball in my court to the end. It could have been good if I let him spend the night and didn't get all crazy about it and say no.
In the spirit of staying home and resting, I watched some fabulous movies this weekend. Friday I watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, again. What a great fucking movie! I can't even handle it. It's so sad. It made me think that some elements of my own life have been 'erased', only without the help of some hysterical medical procedure. It's so funny how things go bad and you say you wish you could forget you ever knew someone and this movie shows what would really happen if you could. And how maybe you wouldn't really want to. I don't know, something about it just continues to get deeper and deeper to me.
Then I watched Brokeback Mountain, again. Another great movie. I can't even stand how tortured Heath Ledger is. Simply fantastic.
Followed by my all-time favorite, Fatal Attraction. I don't even think I need to say more. I really outdid myself on the movies thisweekend.
Lest me not forget that last weekend I finally watched Blood Diamond. Another quality movie to which I can honestly say I never want a diamond for the rest of my life. I don't even like jewelry to begin with. But if I ever were to get engaged, I would settle for a cubic zirconia or moisanite. I wouldn't even know the difference, trust me. Diamonds-they are just not worth it. I don't want that on my hands. Let me also add that Leonardo DiCaprio is aging quite well. He's finally a man, and I like it!
I leave with this. Imagine me saying this in the key of Sophia on the Golden Girls "Picture it: Brooklyn 2007"...you get a save the date to perhaps the dumbest wedding of the year. The save the date is none other than a replica of Bob Dylan's Freewheelin Album, except that Bob Dylan and his lady pal have been photoshopped out and replaced with the faces of the soon to be bride and groom. And then all the tracks on this false "CD" have been replaced to somehow incorporate the bride and groom. If you don't know what album I'm talking about, look it up and you will realize you know it. It's the one of a young Bob Dylan and a lady walking down some New York street arm and arm. Can we all smile and say "Cheese-ey". Now I ask, is this invitation about the couple or their sick obsession with Bob Dylan? Really says a lot.
I forgot how much I missed 90's music...until I started watching Journeyman on NBC. When Dan travels through time, they always play the appropriate music. I love it!
Is it wrong that I like Britney Spears' new song?
The song "Young Folks" by Peter Bjorn and John has been playing in every single television show known to man right now. I have heard it in about 17 different programs over the last two weeks. If you don't know what it is, search it and take a listen. I guarantee within seconds you will know the tune. It's not that I like or dislike it. It's just EVERYWHERE
Another great tune right now is KT Tunstall's "Hold On".
Or how about James Blunt's "1973"?
That's all I got.
Peace.
