Coffee and Secrets

This is no secret: I love coffee. And I've finally perfected making it. It was a horrible few years when I couldn't quite figure out the coffee/water ratio and I just kept making brown water. But now it's on!! I can't get on with my day without that first cup. It really is an addiction, one that I'm happy to have. I'm sure it'll kill me one day, but really, what won't? I discovered International Delights French Vanilla creamer. It makes a world of difference. And not the fat free one- I want all the fat I can get. Mmmm...I just brewed a pot, can't wait to dip in.

Ok secondly- secrets. By sheer nature of either my personality or position in time and space, I realize I am a person that other people tell many secrets to. This is a blessing and a curse. I am honored that people feel comfortable enough to let me in on it all. God knows, I have few secrets to tell so it keeps things exciting. But what happens when these secrets start to get all mixed up and tangled up in my own life and then I can't just proceed the way I want because I know all of this backstage information? It makes for a real shitshow, that's what happens. It forces me to put lots of things on the back burner because secret feelings are involved that only I know about. It puts me in the middle and makes me want to scream!!!! It makes me have to be the better person, the person with a conscience. Crises of conscience don't always go over so well with me. I'm doing a lot better with them but still. Sometimes I don't want to be the better person.

I realize I haven't posted in months and then a one-two punch. I couldn't help it though. I needed to get that out of my system.

The Bitch is Back...

I have made my not-so-triumphant return. Haven't blogged since February- REALLY? Well I guess not much going on.

As for missing the sunshine, well I got plenty of that in. Spring came, then summer and all the sunshine you can ask for.

And as for missing making out, well I got some of that in too. Not plenty but some. Maybe enough to sustain me over the long, cold winter? Probably not.

I spent another summer out in New Jersey. It wasn't nearly as soul shattering as last year but still a great experience. Something about the suburbs just calms me at exactly the time I need it.

I moved into a new apartment that I feel like I have barely been at. It's finally nice to be actually 'living' there. Added bonus: heat finally turned on last night. Guess that phantom boiler problem resolved itself.

After the summer, I made a quick trip to the Outerbanks. Met some new cool new people to add to my life. I'm putting OBX on my revisit list. It wasn't nearly enough time.

And now I am just re-settling into city life. Things like taking the subway. Metrocards that don't work. Or like this morning when I couldn't find a spot for alternate side parking and was forced to drive to work. Welcome back!!!!

I'm playing football again on Sundays. Which means playing flip cup on Sundays or just drinking too much on Sundays (minus the flip cup).

The economy is shit. I put myself on a budget. It's working out ok. I guess just all the talk about the economy is making me feel super stressed about money. I hate that!! But having to decide things like "do i have enough money to go out for one happy hour or two this week?" is really getting me down. I wanted to take hip hop dance class. It's on Wednesday nights and is $15. So far I have had to kick it off the roster the past 3 weeks because I wanted to use that $15 elsewhere. Is this what it's all about? Or is that just being an adult? I have no idea but it's pissing me off. I am in fear of my checkbook. Literal fear. It's scarier to me than Halloween. Each time I get a bill, I swear a piece of me dies inside.

On the horizon: Presidential election. GO VOTE! My 30th birthday. Which wasn't really bothering me but I think subconsciously it is. It seems like a lot of pressure.

That's the nutshell of the past few months. God, February...really? Ages ago. I can't even remember anything. Oh yeah, I find that as I approach 30 my memory is just shit. I can't remember anything. I have to start writing down where I park my car at night. I'm 30, not 70 for chrissake. What are they putting in the water these days??

I always like to throw in a music bit. I have discovered Janet Jackson's song Discipline. It's really sexy. Check it out. I can't stop listening. I saw her last week in concert. She sang that song to a guy she picked out of the audience and strapped into some torture device. It was HOT.

I also really love Lil Wayne's Mrs. Officer. Call it a guilty pleasure song or whatnot but it's the shizz.