Bye Bye 2008

Another year has come and gone. It's scary how time flies so quickly as you get older and you can barely keep up with it.

2008 was an ok year for me. The last half definitely held more action for me than the first half. I've had my usual moments of heartache and heartbreak but I'm trying to get better at those. I still make stupid mistakes when I drink. Do stupid things, say stupid things.

I reconnected with an old friend and having friends that know you so well is really comforting in these times when people just seem really...I don't know....flaky. Flaky isn't really the word I'm looking for. Transient maybe. I don't know. It's just more of a feeling of 'home' that you get from people who have known you the longest. Not to say I haven't made some great friends in recent years but it's just different. It's a different history.

I continue to learn more about myself and who I am and the things I am willing to accept and the things I cannot. I've come to realize that sometimes the entire human race disappoints me.

And other times the human race exhilirates me.

I am trying to think of resolutions but I don't know how realistic they are. I want to say "travel more", "play an instrument"- but these require money, a resource that is drying up on me.

The one thing I know that I can do is be as positive as possible and keep listening to good music. That doesn't require much of the green paper. So as for my music report for this week I have stumbled across this musician who was born and raised in the Bronx. His name is Ari Hest and his voice is ah-mazing. What led me to him was another amazing musician, Adrian Rhen, who is from Buenos Aires and now lives in Brooklyn. I put my stamp of approval on both of them.

I thought I could think of something more profound to say at the close of the New Year but I'm coming up blank. Maybe it's because I haven't finished my coffee yet.

In any event, Happy 2009. I hope it is a good year for all of us, I think we deserve it.

The Hap-Happiest Season of All!!

I am in full holiday party swing. Have not done one ounce of holiday shopping but I've done a hell of a lot of holiday drinking! Tonight is party number 27 or something like that: our work party at noneother than MEDIEVIL TIMES!!! YES!!!!! Twice in one month, it's almost too much to bare. If I keep up this pace, I should be dead by New Year's. Or at least in dire need of a new liver.

Onto other things. I saw David Sedaris at Lincoln Center the other night. Props to Elsa and Heather. That was freaking amazing!

Did Santacon on Saturday. Typical shitshow fashion. That's the only way I can describe it.

Sitting here writing this, I feel like my pants smell. But I digress...

So this holiday drinking thing has turned into my usual m.o. of saying and doing inappropriate things. Nothing new to report there. I feel so embarassed yet I can't stop. I think I was actually triple fisting drinks last night. NOT OKAY. AA is a-calling.

My head is in a million places, too much to do and think about. I can't focus really.

I tried to start a dream journal. I've been having lots of dreams and remembering them. I started to write them down. I did good for a few days and then pffffttttt. I also realize though that it's so hard to physically write anymore. I'm so used to this computer thing that my hands actually hurt to hand write. Could also be on account of the carpal tunnel but still. And my handwriting looks horrendous! This computer is ruining me. So yeah, there went the dream journal.

Oh yeah and we had Secret Snowflake at work the other day. Only my secret santa didn't come into work or get me a gift. That really inflated my holiday spirit. Yes!

It's been an emotional rollercoaster. And it's just beginning.

I just remembered what I needed to mention in this blog. There was a blurb on the news this morning about a Shop Rite in New Jersey that refused to make a birthday cake for this kid's birthday. Why? Well because his name is ADOLF HITLER CAMPBELL. They didn't want to write "Happy Birthday Adolf Hitler" on the cake. I wonder why?????? And what is wrong with the parents???? Look it up online kids, true story. They named their other kid AryanRace something or other. Fucking freaks. Where do they live so I can go punch someone? What a bunch of tools.

That is all the ramblings for now. But a last music bit. Hot list this week is Christina Aguilera's "Get Mine, Get Yours". I'm also loving Ludacris' "One More Drink" Rocking my world right now.

Giving Thanks

It's that time of year. My favorite time of year. The holidays: when I really appreciate friends and family and there is just that feeling in the air of something special. I love putting up the Christmas Tree, decorations, holiday parties.

In honor of Thanksgiving here are some of the things I am thankful for this year:

- Health (of myself and those close to me). We're all here for another year together and that is no small feat.

-A job. It's tough enough economic times and I'm glad I'm still holding on. Even if it's barely.

-Friends. I have so many great ones and I never take them for granted. There is nothing better than good times with good friends. Even if we can't stay out so late anymore.

-Family. I'm grateful for mine. They are fantastic. I don't know what I would do without them. This includes being thankful for my mom's cooking, my dad's sappiness, my brother's constant insults.

-Life. I'm thankful for every piece of my life, good or bad. For my apartment, my car, for change. For lessons I've learned. I'm thankful for being given opportunities at every turn. Even if they don't pan out to anything, it's still living.

-Whiskey. We all know why. The poison I need to get shit done.

-Making out. It wouldn't be me without saying it.

-Music. I'm so thankful that music keeps getting made. The soundtrack of my life, well where do you even start? It's amazing to me how creative some people are. Songs keep me moving, cheer me up, get me down. I don't know what I would do if there were no music. (Side note- check out the DJ band Girl Talk- simply amazing what they do with hip hop and 80's music. Mashup heaven!!)

-Dreams. They keep me believing beyond what is reality. I don't even know if that makes sense.

I think that's all I have for now. As I think about it, maybe there will be a part II to this post. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

I got worms!

I'm so embarassed. I'm ashamed. I feel so dirty. I got worms!

Okay seriously, I did get a worm virus today through Facebook and for the first time I was a bit paranoid about my own internet security. I think it'll be okay ultimately, but it freaked me out for a few minutes. That's what I get for opening a message that says something like "Wow- the whole internet will see this video". I'm like a kid in a candy store. I get so suckered in that I'm just like oooh, let me click on that. Next thing you know, you have a little worm crawling around and your computer starts crashing. Fun times.

Exciting first week of my 30's- Obama in the White House! Hell yeah bitches! Holla!! It feels great to be part of an era and to be alive during a time like this. I'm not expecting him to be perfect. In fact I can probably guarantee he will not live up to people's expectations in one way or another, but he is also a symbol for all of us. I don't think he'll be a shitshow like Bush. Of course not, I voted for him and I have full faith. But I know somewhere down the line people will question their decision at the first sign of trouble. We have to keep our faith and know that he's going to do his best but it will take time. He's not going to fix this mess the first week or month. Probably not even the first year of his presidency. It'll happen. Patience.

I finally unpacked all of my trinkets at work (well mostly all). I whittled all of my sentimental belongings down to one box. I thought my days of being such a pack rat were over but I guess not. I am settled into my new desk area and things are starting to feel normal again. I have no new embarassing or awkward elevator incidents to report.

I've been trying to write poetry again. It's been awhile since I've picked up any vibes. I needed to be inspired and I guess I have been lately. I think my poetry is more like song lyrics. Maybe I should be a song writer.

Turning 30 I've noticed some things starting to show my age. I have horrible carpal tunnel in my right hand. It's hard to type, click a mouse, clean, even text message. I need to get it checked but it is on my list of doctor's appointments to make. Yes, a list. Like an old lady.

And I think I'm going through some hormonal changes. I have always had a problem with sweating a lot. I say I sweat like a man. Fine. I accept it. But lately it has gotten so much worse. I walk around with those oil blotting papers in my purse at all times and constantly have them stuck to my face. What are my options? Botox on the horizon? Freeze up all those sweat glands? I have no idea. I'm trying to deal but it's not very attractive.

Busy weekend on the horizon. Plenty to do and a do-or-die game of football this Sunday. Either we go big or go home. For reals.

I leave you with my newest musical pics this week. Jams I'm loving:

No Other Love- by John Legend featuring Estelle. Number one, it's got a kick ass reggae beat to it. Number two- it's Estelle. Get to know that name. Everything she touches is gold. She's amazing.

Woman Like a Man- by Damien Rice. It's one of those B-Side tracks. It's a little raunchy but that's what I love about it.

9 Crimes- Also by Damien Rice. He is just amazing. He has a way of conveying all those thoughts you have about love and life in such a poetic and real way. I love him. All the right, the wrong, the tortured. He just gets it.

Everybody Knows- by Ryan Adams. Not Bryan Adams. Ryan Adams.

Peace out, have a great weekend!!!!!

Turning 30 and a stupid Election story

I have made it through to 30. Here I am! Nothing different about that. My birthday was a success in all the ways it could be. I got to spend time with family and friends and finally wear my party dress that I've been waiting a year to wear. I went to Medieval Times and felt like a kid again, my voice hoarse from chanting "FINISH HIM!!!". I spent a lot of time at the Brooklyn Inn afterwards just having drinks, being silly, and shooting the shit. It was a pretty mellow evening but it fit just right.

I finally scraped myself up out of bed on Sunday to make it to football, which we lost AGAIN, and that was sad.

Yesterday we moved offices. It's weird being in a different space but I guess in no time it'll be like home again. It's funny because I have boxes full of little toys and props that used to live on my desk and now there is no room for them. I don't know where they will go.

That brings me to today. Election Day. It's a big one. The news this morning was showing out of control lines at the polls which is making me worried for when I go after work. I'm also feeling really anxious about what the future holds after this election. The world will be a different place tomorrow, for better or worse is yet to be determined.

This morning I got into the new building and barely caught the elevator up. The doors were closing as I got there but the man inside just happened to see me and opened up the doors again. I stepped on and we started chit chatting and he said to me "Today is going to be an interesting day" to which I responded "Oh well we just moved in on the 8th floor...does something special happen on Tuesdays?" and he responded with something about the election. And ladies and gentleman, I am a MORON. I tried to recover from that one but it was difficult. It's not that I don't care about the election but I've pushed it off in my head to be something that I am doing after work. So I wasn't really thinking about it before work.

And also maybe it would have been more on my mind had I not been screwed yet again by the MTA today. It seems that at least once a week I am at the mercy of these fuckers who can't seem to run a train on time. I don't understand how they stay in business. Service is terrible. I can't even think straight. How was I supposed to focus on who is running the country next when I can't even make it to work on time? I really want to have a tourette's style rant on the MTA right now but I am going to reel it in. They suck. I even left early today and still managed to get here 15 minutes late.

Tomorrow...we wait for tomorrow.

Coffee and Secrets

This is no secret: I love coffee. And I've finally perfected making it. It was a horrible few years when I couldn't quite figure out the coffee/water ratio and I just kept making brown water. But now it's on!! I can't get on with my day without that first cup. It really is an addiction, one that I'm happy to have. I'm sure it'll kill me one day, but really, what won't? I discovered International Delights French Vanilla creamer. It makes a world of difference. And not the fat free one- I want all the fat I can get. Mmmm...I just brewed a pot, can't wait to dip in.

Ok secondly- secrets. By sheer nature of either my personality or position in time and space, I realize I am a person that other people tell many secrets to. This is a blessing and a curse. I am honored that people feel comfortable enough to let me in on it all. God knows, I have few secrets to tell so it keeps things exciting. But what happens when these secrets start to get all mixed up and tangled up in my own life and then I can't just proceed the way I want because I know all of this backstage information? It makes for a real shitshow, that's what happens. It forces me to put lots of things on the back burner because secret feelings are involved that only I know about. It puts me in the middle and makes me want to scream!!!! It makes me have to be the better person, the person with a conscience. Crises of conscience don't always go over so well with me. I'm doing a lot better with them but still. Sometimes I don't want to be the better person.

I realize I haven't posted in months and then a one-two punch. I couldn't help it though. I needed to get that out of my system.

The Bitch is Back...

I have made my not-so-triumphant return. Haven't blogged since February- REALLY? Well I guess not much going on.

As for missing the sunshine, well I got plenty of that in. Spring came, then summer and all the sunshine you can ask for.

And as for missing making out, well I got some of that in too. Not plenty but some. Maybe enough to sustain me over the long, cold winter? Probably not.

I spent another summer out in New Jersey. It wasn't nearly as soul shattering as last year but still a great experience. Something about the suburbs just calms me at exactly the time I need it.

I moved into a new apartment that I feel like I have barely been at. It's finally nice to be actually 'living' there. Added bonus: heat finally turned on last night. Guess that phantom boiler problem resolved itself.

After the summer, I made a quick trip to the Outerbanks. Met some new cool new people to add to my life. I'm putting OBX on my revisit list. It wasn't nearly enough time.

And now I am just re-settling into city life. Things like taking the subway. Metrocards that don't work. Or like this morning when I couldn't find a spot for alternate side parking and was forced to drive to work. Welcome back!!!!

I'm playing football again on Sundays. Which means playing flip cup on Sundays or just drinking too much on Sundays (minus the flip cup).

The economy is shit. I put myself on a budget. It's working out ok. I guess just all the talk about the economy is making me feel super stressed about money. I hate that!! But having to decide things like "do i have enough money to go out for one happy hour or two this week?" is really getting me down. I wanted to take hip hop dance class. It's on Wednesday nights and is $15. So far I have had to kick it off the roster the past 3 weeks because I wanted to use that $15 elsewhere. Is this what it's all about? Or is that just being an adult? I have no idea but it's pissing me off. I am in fear of my checkbook. Literal fear. It's scarier to me than Halloween. Each time I get a bill, I swear a piece of me dies inside.

On the horizon: Presidential election. GO VOTE! My 30th birthday. Which wasn't really bothering me but I think subconsciously it is. It seems like a lot of pressure.

That's the nutshell of the past few months. God, February...really? Ages ago. I can't even remember anything. Oh yeah, I find that as I approach 30 my memory is just shit. I can't remember anything. I have to start writing down where I park my car at night. I'm 30, not 70 for chrissake. What are they putting in the water these days??

I always like to throw in a music bit. I have discovered Janet Jackson's song Discipline. It's really sexy. Check it out. I can't stop listening. I saw her last week in concert. She sang that song to a guy she picked out of the audience and strapped into some torture device. It was HOT.

I also really love Lil Wayne's Mrs. Officer. Call it a guilty pleasure song or whatnot but it's the shizz.